On March 6th, 2012 several classmates presented their Twitterives as pert of Writing Research and Technology at Rowan University. The following is what I thought of what they have so far and suggestions for future revisions.
Jenna wrote her twitterive from the place of family. She used a series of pictures, definitions, poems and personal comments to build her twitterive. While I like the idea of Jenna's place, she could be much more specific in order to make her twitterive more organized and focused. She seemed to focus on her bond with each family member. I feel this idea might be a good starting point for being more specific. Maybe she could talk about what makes each bond special. Maybe she could follow the concept of a family tree and give more of a background of her family and her interactions with them.
Daniele wrote her twitterive from the place of her relationship with her father. I have looked over her twitterive, but since she didn't get very far into her presentation, I am hoping she will present again before I make revision suggestions.
Angela created her twitterive from the NICU where her daughter spent the beginning of her life. I thought her twitterive was well thought out, well organized, focused and thorough. I don't have any revision suggestions except to check for grammatical and punctuation errors.
Alexis wrote her twitterive from the place of being lost. I liked Alexis' twitterive the best so far. I liked the different genres she chose to put us in her place. While there were suggestions for making it more organized and focused, I felt that the organization lent to how she feels in her place. I would suggest that she follow the suggestions of our professor since I will not be grading her assignment, but I had a hard time finding anything to change for her as well.
Andrea's twitterive focused on Doggy Day Camp from a particular dog's perspective. Andre's twitterive was very enjoyable. I feel that the details of the day were expressed well, but I feel that her twitterive could be improved by writing all narratives from the dog's perspective. As fun as it is, it would be much more fun to read the entire twitterive from the dog's point of view.
Tiffany had one of the most interesting twitterive topics so far. Her twitterive focused on Muay Thai training in Thailand. Tiffany's twitterive has a lot of potential and could be improved by adding more about her training experience in Thailand. I feel that her twitterive could benefit from comparison to the place that she trains when she is at home. I would also love to see more pictures from Thailand. She should add more genres as well as make the genres that she has, such as the Green Smoothie recipe, connect better. She should add a repetend, maybe the place she trains in New Jersey would be a good one, to bring all ideas in her twitterive together.
Idalis wrote her twitterive from the place of her relationship with her father, specifically during a time when he was in the hospital and she thought he would pass away. While I thought the content of her twitterive was very powerful and moving, I would suggest that she change her formatting to make it easier to follow and read. The color of the font and the font size is a little more distracting than it needs to be.
Abby also created her twitterive from the place of her relationship with her father. While I like the ideas that she included, I feel that her twitterive needs much more. Particularly, Abby's twitterive could benefit from more narration. She could also include more genres and give us more of an idea of what her relationship with her father is like through words. She could talk about how her relationship with her father changed after he got divorced, after he remarried, what it was like to see him be a stepfather to other kids, etc.
These presentations were enjoyable, not only because of their content, but also because they let me learn more about my classmates. I was also able to get more ideas for my own twitterive and see how I an make it better, as well as hear more about what Professor Mangini is expecting. Good job ladies.
Jenna wrote her twitterive from the place of family. She used a series of pictures, definitions, poems and personal comments to build her twitterive. While I like the idea of Jenna's place, she could be much more specific in order to make her twitterive more organized and focused. She seemed to focus on her bond with each family member. I feel this idea might be a good starting point for being more specific. Maybe she could talk about what makes each bond special. Maybe she could follow the concept of a family tree and give more of a background of her family and her interactions with them.
Daniele wrote her twitterive from the place of her relationship with her father. I have looked over her twitterive, but since she didn't get very far into her presentation, I am hoping she will present again before I make revision suggestions.
Angela created her twitterive from the NICU where her daughter spent the beginning of her life. I thought her twitterive was well thought out, well organized, focused and thorough. I don't have any revision suggestions except to check for grammatical and punctuation errors.
Alexis wrote her twitterive from the place of being lost. I liked Alexis' twitterive the best so far. I liked the different genres she chose to put us in her place. While there were suggestions for making it more organized and focused, I felt that the organization lent to how she feels in her place. I would suggest that she follow the suggestions of our professor since I will not be grading her assignment, but I had a hard time finding anything to change for her as well.
Andrea's twitterive focused on Doggy Day Camp from a particular dog's perspective. Andre's twitterive was very enjoyable. I feel that the details of the day were expressed well, but I feel that her twitterive could be improved by writing all narratives from the dog's perspective. As fun as it is, it would be much more fun to read the entire twitterive from the dog's point of view.
Tiffany had one of the most interesting twitterive topics so far. Her twitterive focused on Muay Thai training in Thailand. Tiffany's twitterive has a lot of potential and could be improved by adding more about her training experience in Thailand. I feel that her twitterive could benefit from comparison to the place that she trains when she is at home. I would also love to see more pictures from Thailand. She should add more genres as well as make the genres that she has, such as the Green Smoothie recipe, connect better. She should add a repetend, maybe the place she trains in New Jersey would be a good one, to bring all ideas in her twitterive together.
Idalis wrote her twitterive from the place of her relationship with her father, specifically during a time when he was in the hospital and she thought he would pass away. While I thought the content of her twitterive was very powerful and moving, I would suggest that she change her formatting to make it easier to follow and read. The color of the font and the font size is a little more distracting than it needs to be.
Abby also created her twitterive from the place of her relationship with her father. While I like the ideas that she included, I feel that her twitterive needs much more. Particularly, Abby's twitterive could benefit from more narration. She could also include more genres and give us more of an idea of what her relationship with her father is like through words. She could talk about how her relationship with her father changed after he got divorced, after he remarried, what it was like to see him be a stepfather to other kids, etc.
These presentations were enjoyable, not only because of their content, but also because they let me learn more about my classmates. I was also able to get more ideas for my own twitterive and see how I an make it better, as well as hear more about what Professor Mangini is expecting. Good job ladies.
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