Prologue
I discovered my place while attempting to avoid another one. My twitter posts were focused on the issues I was having before during and after quitting my job at the beginning of this semester. Since I still find that topic very depressing, I wanted to steer clear of it. Quitting was such a hard decision and I am still struggling with the change and so it continued coming up in my tweets. I realized it would be nearly impossible to not address this topic in my Twitterive in any way so I began taking a closer look at the issues that were coming up before, during and after my resignation. One that has always been there, but seems to bother me more at this time of uncertainty, is the trouble that I have completing a conversation with my mother.
Since I can never tell when she has stopped listening, I can talk to her for long periods of time before I realize she hasn't been paying attention. I have chosen to make my place the feeling of building frustration and despair that results from these incomplete conversations. I have begun to feel like an outsider in my home, since it feels like I am the only one who encounters this problem with her. Even though I know my mom very well, these conversations make her seem like a stranger to me, especially since I've tried to address the problem several times and all of my attempts to address the issue fall on deaf ears. My repetend is the brief narrative and points of longitude and latitude. My theme is the journey my attempts at communication take me on. The twitterive I cam up with is a creative, non-fiction narrative. It is also important to note that this is something that bothers me, it does not define my relationship with my mom. It is just one place in our relationship.
The follow tweets inspired this Twitterive and vice versa:
Since I can never tell when she has stopped listening, I can talk to her for long periods of time before I realize she hasn't been paying attention. I have chosen to make my place the feeling of building frustration and despair that results from these incomplete conversations. I have begun to feel like an outsider in my home, since it feels like I am the only one who encounters this problem with her. Even though I know my mom very well, these conversations make her seem like a stranger to me, especially since I've tried to address the problem several times and all of my attempts to address the issue fall on deaf ears. My repetend is the brief narrative and points of longitude and latitude. My theme is the journey my attempts at communication take me on. The twitterive I cam up with is a creative, non-fiction narrative. It is also important to note that this is something that bothers me, it does not define my relationship with my mom. It is just one place in our relationship.
The follow tweets inspired this Twitterive and vice versa:
- The funny thing is, when I pretend to not listen to her she doesn't seem to notice. How do I get through???!!! #twitterive
- She thinks I'm dramatic. Maybe I am, but how would she know when she only ever hears half of any story? #twitterive #mommyissues
- Look at me!!! #twitterive
- I can't live with her, but I definitely can't live without her. #twitterive #mommyissues
- Ever have one of those dreams when you're talking but no sound comes out? When I'm awake I'm talking, but no one can hear me #twitterive
- I think I have an ulcer. #sixwordstory #twitterive #wrt1c
- ....... I've got nothing #twitterive
- I wish your eyes could hear. #sixwordstory #twitterive #wrt1c
- I told her. Did she hear? #sixwordstory #twitterive #wrt1c
- My mom can never see this. #sixwordstory #twitterive #wrt1c
Rebecca's Not So Ideal Week:
Monday
On January 26th 2012 Rebecca faced the life changing decision of leaving the job that she had been working at for over 2 years, and the career she had been working in for almost a decade, or accepting much less money than she felt she deserved. As you can probably imagine, this decision caused her to find herself in a place of uncertainty and constant worry. As a result, she began to rely on her family, particularly her mom, for support and a listening ear.
Latitude: 40.047344, Longitude: -74.86736
Location: New Territory
Latitude: 40.047344, Longitude: -74.86736
Location: New Territory
The Phone Call
Mom: Hello?
Rebecca: Hi Mom. I'm sorry to call you at work, but I just wanted you to know that I asked my boss for a raise and she would only agree to 15 dollars per day.
Mom: Did you say how much you wanted? What did she say?
Rebecca: Yeah, I did. She said she would only be able to give me 15 per day. That's not enough for another kid. I'm going to quit.
Mom: (typing in the background) Uh huh. You have to tell her how much you want or you're never going to get it.
Rebecca: How is that different from what I just said? Are you listening? I did tell her. She said no. I'm leaving.
Mom: I don't know, but you really need to consider that before you make any final decisions.
Rebecca: What? Are you..? Okay, Mom. Bye.
Mom: Have a good day. Bye.
Rebecca: Hi Mom. I'm sorry to call you at work, but I just wanted you to know that I asked my boss for a raise and she would only agree to 15 dollars per day.
Mom: Did you say how much you wanted? What did she say?
Rebecca: Yeah, I did. She said she would only be able to give me 15 per day. That's not enough for another kid. I'm going to quit.
Mom: (typing in the background) Uh huh. You have to tell her how much you want or you're never going to get it.
Rebecca: How is that different from what I just said? Are you listening? I did tell her. She said no. I'm leaving.
Mom: I don't know, but you really need to consider that before you make any final decisions.
Rebecca: What? Are you..? Okay, Mom. Bye.
Mom: Have a good day. Bye.
Tuesday
Since a phone call clearly wasn't going to work, Rebecca decided to talk to her mom in person. She also decided to start from scratch.
Latitude: 40.247973, Longitude: -74.029843
Location: Frustration
Latitude: 40.247973, Longitude: -74.029843
Location: Frustration
The Many Faces of Mom...............
A Conversation at Home
I can’t live with her, but I definitely can’t live without her. I walk in the door and the burdens of the week begin to lift. It’s been a long one. “Hi” she says, “I haven’t seen you all week. How was it?” These three magic words are the only excuse I need to tear down the defensive wall that’s been under construction all week. I tell her the whole lot; the lows, the highs and everything in between. I tell her about the one part of my week from hell that I’m proud of. I worked up the nerve to tell my boss that I deserve a raise. She’d been telling me I should for as long as I can remember. I was confident, succinct and resolute, just like my was boss when she told me no. I tell her how I’m not sure if I should continue if I’m not going to get what I deserve. Saying that out loud makes me cry because thought of leaving a job I love and having to do something else is overwhelming. Despite the tangled yarn of emotions I’m feeling I can’t help but to be at peace. I’m home now and she’s going to tell me how to make it all come together. I am finally silent and look to her with tear filled eyes of expectation. “You know, you really should ask your boss for a raise” she says. “If she says no, you should seriously consider doing something else.”
Wednesday
Not wanting to face the same frustration, Rebecca takes a day to think about her situation alone. She thinks about how she would like for her mother to react to her worry and building depression. Realizing that this is not a reaction her mother will ever give, she slinks deeper into despair, wondering how she is going to work her way through this situation without the support she so desperately needs.
Latitude: 40.251459, Longitude: -73.979788
Location: Disconnected
Latitude: 40.251459, Longitude: -73.979788
Location: Disconnected
Alien
Thursday
Wanting to feel something, anything other than the depression that has gripped her in the past day, Rebecca writes a letter to her mom to let her know how she feels. Since she has never tried this before, she is hoping that it will be just what is needed to get her mother's attention and lure her into a real conversation.
Latitude: 40.253818 Longitude: -73.944769
Location: Depression
Latitude: 40.253818 Longitude: -73.944769
Location: Depression
The Letter I Wrote
Dear Mom,
I want to start out by saying that I love you very much and I appreciate all that you do for me and nothing that I have to say should take away from that. Unfortunately, I feel like something is not as it could be and I would like to be able to talk to you about it. Because you are a good mom, I know you will consider what I'm saying carefully. As you know, I am having a hard time with my decision to leave my job. I keep trying to talk to you, but you are never really listening. I talk to you, tell you how I'm feeling, sometimes dissolving into tears, only to have you give some response that shows me you didn't hear anything that I said. I cannot explain to you how frustrating this is and how sad and isolated it is making me feel. I have felt this way for awhile, but since I need you so much now, it has become unbearable to live like this. All I want right now is to be able to talk to you about the struggle I am having with this decision and to have you give me useful suggestions on how to deal with it. I really want to change this Mom, because I feel that I am slipping deeper and deeper into despair over this decision everyday. Can we talk about this? Can we really talk? Please? I look forward to your response. Love, Rebecca |
The Letter She Read
Dear Mom,
you are not a good mom I look forward to your response. Rebecca |
Friday
Deciding that she has enough to worry about, Rebecca suspends her attempts to communicate with her mom. It is not reasonable to hope for something that her mother just doesn't seem to have to give. Rebecca has never felt more isolated.
Latitude: 40.256569 Longitude: -73.84057
Location: Despair
Latitude: 40.256569 Longitude: -73.84057
Location: Despair
Isolation: A Poem
Isolation is staying away from people, afraid they won't talk back..